ok folks. today's subject is pain. CFS pain. FM pain. Fun stuff. stop reading now if you're a happy person.

the CFS/FM pain can be a real pain in the ass at times. which is funny because it's about the only place that doesn't hurt.

think of the last time you had the flu (not the stomach one, the other one). how your body hurt all over, and any movement made your joints scream in pain. the body aches, where you first thought it was going to kill you, then you were afraid you would live.....CFS pain is like that.

when i first got it, i didn't think i could take it. but that was 20 years ago. funny what you can learn to tolerate. when i was in the hellhole they called a nursing home after breaking my ankle, the first night was a nightmare. the call bells went off constantly. i don't mean, often, i mean constantly. without a break. when one inmate would get help, another one would be buzzing. i thought i was going. to. lose.my.mind. (i may have now that i think about it.) but by saturday afternoon, i no longer noticed it. ditto with the busses on devon ave outside my bedroom window. don't notice them anymore.

it's the same with the CFS pain. I didn't think i could get used to constant body and joint ache and pain. but i have. some days, though, it really gets to me. ok, at least once a day, i find myself saying, "I can't take it anymore". but i do.

the FM pain is different. went to scratch my head. thought I had claws it hurt so much. there are times when just touching me feels like the person (or dog) is trying to push through to the other side of my body. the doc tried examining my shoulders and i thought i was going to die. it's not constant, but more of a surprise. it'll be like ladedadeda, on with my coat, and then what the f---!?! who put cement and spikes in my coat?

combine the pain with the fatigue mentioned in a previous blog and life can be quite sucky at times. ok, most of the time. lately the pain and fatigue are ganging up on me.

then it seems that i have rheumatoid arthritis in my feet!!!! give.me.a.break! it makes it hard to sleep, cause it causes a feeling like my toes are curling under. and the reynaud's makes my feet cold almost constantly. i am currently wearing a pair of wool/soy socks and a second pair of wool socks, and my feet are frigid!. my hand hurts from where the cane hits them, and without the cane, I can't walk further than 2-3 doors down.

and now it's sinus weather...those headaches are like a skewer through the temples with flaming spikes rotating in my head. i've learned how to deal with the neck arthritis headaches, but the sinus things.....the medicine for it raises my bp, so i gotta do my medatation thingy to bring the bp down, then take the med that raises it, to get rid of the sinus headache AND put ice on my forehead. geez.

i supposed life like this is better than the alternative, but i'm having more days days when i'm not so sure.

and going off the cymbalta (FM pain, and depression) is soooo much fun. i could just, well, let's leave it at spit.

next blogs i'll try to go back to poetry. i think i got the rants out. thanks for listening.

linda